Redeeming Justice Page 7

  “We were in the hot tub and…”

  “Wait! You were in the fucking Jacuzzi last night with a gorgeous woman? Oh, come on. You never use that thing.” Cam sounded stunned. A little like how Alex felt.

  “She thought it would help my leg and, well I …..” He clammed up after that. No way was he going to admit that wanting to see her in a bathing suit had been the deciding factor in his getting into that tub. Neither of his brothers was stupid and the way they both leered at him let Alex know they did the math on their own and came up with the missing words.

  “Fuck you both,” he growled.

  “So, that’s what you mean by shit got out of hand? Like how far out of hand and why the hell would you think that? She’s a beautiful woman. You’re not half-bad yourself although that shitty attitude could use a little work. So what’s the big fucking deal?” Drae asked.

  “The big fucking deal, as you so eloquently put it, is she’d be married by now if I hadn’t fucked up her life.”

  They exploded the minute he said he’d fucked up her life. “Bro!” Cam barked. “You did not fuck up anyone’s life. That goddamn bomber was insane and nothing you did or didn’t do would have made any difference.”

  “Fuck!” hollered Drae for good measure.

  They’d been down this road before. His brothers knew he held himself ultimately responsible for what happened that day. Years of trying to convince him otherwise only led to a stalemate. Alex felt he knew the truth—knew in his heart that if he hadn’t ordered a raid on a remote village, the dickhead insurgents who waited for bad shit like that to happen so they could fire up the locals wouldn’t have managed to talk a widow with a young son into strapping explosives to her body. To make it all that much worse in Alex’s head, less than twenty minutes before the explosion one of the bad asses who handled interrogations reported on recent intel that suggested a possible strike against their base.

  Common sense told him that twenty minutes was like the blink of an eye in a war zone and even if he’d known five days earlier, the intel had been so sketchy that thinking a trusted local, especially a woman with a kid, would be a threat would have been the last thing anyone suspected. The top brass agreed and determined that nothing could have been done to change what happened. They even gave him a fucking medal afterwards because of his injuries.

  But for Alex, there was no escaping the haunting what ifs. What if the raid hadn’t gone bad? What if he’d had more warning of a possible attack? What if? What if?

  In the end, the only thing he knew for sure was the body count. David Anderson’s name was on that list. Kissing Meghan had been nothing short of disrespectful to a dead man. There was no way to seek absolution for his actions. Not then. Not now. In a word, he was fucked.

  “Meghan came here to thank me for helping her through a tough time. I think she wanted closure or something like that. The last thing she needs is some fucked-up asshole with a guilty conscience.”

  “God-fucking-dammit!” Drae growled. “You have nothing to be guilty about. And you’re no more fucked up than either of us. Maybe you should remember that. I seem to recall you giving both of us shit for thinking similar thoughts and yet look at us now. I’ve never been happier and fucking Cam actually smiles now for Christ’s sake. That has to count for something! C’mon Alex. Maybe this girl is your redemption. I fucking hate that you see things that way but really, what if Meghan is meant to heal that wound?”

  Alex snarled and pinned Drae to the spot with a fierce glare. “I don’t know what to think. Maybe if I did there wouldn’t be an empty bottle of Glenfiddich headed to the recycling bin.”

  “Look,” Drae continued. “You don’t have to tell us what shit getting out of hand means, but I have one question. Was the lady opposed?”

  Alex gritted his teeth. No, she hadn’t been opposed. If he hadn’t pushed her away there was little doubt that shit really would have gotten out of hand.

  “Okay then. I’m taking that silence as a ‘no’. Dude. Take it from someone who’s been there. Trust your feelings, man. Shut down that brain of yours and go from the heart. If in the end you’re as lucky as Cam and me, you’ll be glad you did.”

  “Oh, I’m sure he’ll find some way to fuck it up. After all, we both did! Thank God our women knew better.” Cam slammed his empty mug down and gestured for the door. “C’mon. Let’s go see what Ria’s whipping up for breakfast. And Alex, chill the fuck out man. We’ve got you covered. Having the Three Stooges along for breakfast will give you and Meghan a breather, okay? Oh, and dude? Go take a shower and put some clothes on. You smell like old gym socks, and the half-naked with sweats hanging off your dick look isn’t all that flattering.”

  Alex flipped them both off with a wry grin. “You guys suck.”

  Their laughter could be heard far beyond the walls of the study. Maybe the conversation hadn’t solved anything but Alex felt better now that they knew the whole story. He only hoped that when it came time to face Meghan, he didn’t see hurt in her eyes—hurt for the way he’d treated her or hurt for realizing it was him who had cost her the man she loved.

  Now that she didn’t have a work schedule to stick to, Meghan tried to sleep in and wake up much slower than she had when getting her ass in gear and at school well before her first class of the day had been a top priority. It was another rare luxury in her new life.

  But this morning, no amount of slowly rousing was going to take the edge off a shit-tacular night. Why is it that just when you want your brain to turn off, it fires up an endless loop of images and emotions that make it damn near impossible to relax? She had a sleep hangover. That gross, knot-in-the-stomach, fuzzy headed reaction to having tossed, turned, and basically fretted through the night. Ugh.

  Staring at the wood beams crossing the ceiling above her head, she tried taking a series of deep, meditative breaths hoping to clear her mind and bring a sense of calm but nothing was helping. Not when all she could think about was Alex and the incredible kiss they’d shared. Especially when that tingling, sexy memory was quickly followed by the humiliating memory of being dismissed from his presence like a naughty child.

  Get your ass out of here. Don’t look back. I’m not worth it. What the hell had all that been about? There wasn’t any doubt that an undercurrent of something powerful had been going on between them and the strength of the hard-on she’d felt when he hauled her onto his lap made a lie of pretending otherwise. She totally got that they were in a weird situation, but his reaction had been extreme.

  Scurrying away from the mortifying scene in the hot tub had felt like a walk of shame. She’d been shocked when he pulled away and worried that her lack of expertise had turned him off. All the guys she dated after David had been nice, uncomplicated. Translation – they were boring as hell.

  Because she’d been engaged, it was expected that Meghan knew her way around a man’s body. But nothing could have been further from the truth. The physical relationship with her fiancé had been respectful and tame, something she’d chalked up to her youth and the fact that David had been her brother Michael’s best friend. And that was a big part of the problem.

  Except for a handful of hormonal make-out sessions, her engagement had ended with Meghan still hanging on to her virginal status. Almost two years later, when she’d gotten hammered on a booze cruise with a bunch of grad school chums and had finally gotten up the nerve to sleep with a muscle-bound jock, she’d been annoyed that he hadn’t even realized he was her first. Men were so dumb at times. Especially the younger ones.

  The experience had been less than stellar and once the deed was done she’d walked away wondering what all the fuss was about. The whole thing had been tawdry and cheap, helped along by a river of fancy umbrella drinks. Maybe that was why she hadn’t put any real effort into dating. Oh, she accepted the occasional invitation and even pursued a potential relationship with an ambitious architect she met through her coaching services. He was pleasant and laidback and though it hadn’t worked
out, the experience helped her define what she needed in an intimate relationship, and it wasn’t nice or easy. No. She wanted heart pounding, panty drenching passion. The type that fries your brain. In other words, exactly what she’d experienced for a few brief moments with Alex.

  How friggin’ cruel was it that just when she’d finally felt a little bit of the arousal she dreamed about, the guy pushed her away. Meghan turned her face into a pillow and groaned. Maybe staying at the Villa wasn’t such a good idea. He had told her to get out and not look back.

  Thing was, though, she wasn’t a quitter. Running just wasn’t in her wheelhouse, but it didn’t help that she was seriously attracted to a man she’d thought would be nothing more than a blip on her radar screen.

  Throwing back the covers, she sat up, swung her legs off the bed, and just sat there, wishing for just a second that her mom was around. They were exceptionally close, but even so, Meghan hadn’t ever confided her fears and concerns about David. She couldn’t bring herself to share such intimacies, but right now, she could really use another woman’s perspective.

  As if on cue, her tummy growled, sending her into the bathroom to wash up and get dressed so she could go in search of breakfast. Deciding on a well-worn pair of jeans that clung to her curves like a second skin and a simple t-shirt she gave her reflection one last glance. Not bad for having gotten no sleep.

  If Alex was cool and distant, she’d make the best of it. Maybe hang around a day or so, get that horseback riding lesson Gus promised, then go her merry way. It wasn’t running so much as it was conceding defeat. She’d do it if she had to but not happily. There was something about Alex Marquez that invaded her soul and made her want things. Things that got her wild side churning.

  Drae and Cam huddled together at the far side of the kitchen watching Alex putter aimlessly. Neither of them missed the fact that he kept his eyes on the doorway, probably waiting for his guest to appear.

  “Second breakfast is not my thing,” Cam grumped as he picked at a plate of bacon and a stack of flapjacks from Ria’s over-the-top breakfast buffet. Apparently everyone wanted to impress the sexy gym teacher Alex was losing his shit over.

  Drae dropped his plate on the breakfast bar and nodded in agreement. “Just keep eating, man.”

  “All this food is going to make me fat.”

  Drae laughed at Cam’s dark scowl, watching as he pushed the food around the plate. “Shut the fuck up, man,” he chuckled. “My wife is in full nesting mode. She loves all that domestic shit! There’s no way she’d let me out of the house without having breakfast first so this is killing me too.”

  Nodding toward Alex, Drae commented, “At least he cleaned up. Can’t remember the last time I saw him that messed up. This situation blows, Cam.”

  “He’s been carrying this guilt for way too long but fuck me if I know what to do about it.” Cam considered his former commanding officer with shrewd eyes. “Did you even suspect he was corresponding with The Kid’s fiancée? I sure as shit didn’t.”

  “Are you kidding?” Drae spit out. “He’s such a closed book, and it’s not like I stick my nose into his personal life. It is surprising though, considering the load of bullshit he tells himself about what happened.”

  Brody suddenly appeared out of thin air and made immediately for the buffet, piling up a plate before joining them.

  “Mornin’,” he muttered. Always a man of few words, their K9 guru, also former Special Forces, threw them both a quizzical look as he noted Alex’s prowling. “What’s up with him?

  “You know Alex. Always something on his mind. Probably building a fucking robot from scratch in his head.” Cam’s answer gave nothing away but he and Drae quickly glanced at each other anyway. It wasn’t going to take long for everyone to pick up on the heavy vibe rolling off the man.

  Turning to Drae, Brody told him, “Been keeping my eye out for the perfect pup, like you asked. Think the missus would like a big, goofy Labrador? One of the female pups seems to have fuck with the St. John’s written all over her.”

  All three shook their heads and laughed at Brody’s mocking words.

  Looking shell-shocked Drae admitted, “I must have been out of my mind to think about getting a puppy. Don’t know that a baby and a puppy at the same time is such a great idea.”

  Cam made a gesture with his hands that mimicked tiny violins playing and cried, “Wah wah!” That got an even bigger laugh, which caught Alex’s scowling attention.

  At the dark look Brody muttered just loud enough for the other two to hear, “Looks like more than a fucking robot if you ask me.”

  “Hi.” The tentative female voice got the whole room of men turning toward the sound.

  “You’re up,” whispered Cam to Drae as he pushed him with his elbow.

  Reacting quickly, Drae put on his very best suave and debonair expression and hauled ass in Meghan’s direction. “Mornin’ pretty lady! Grab a plate and dig in. Ever tasted sourdough flapjacks? They’re one of Ria’s specialties. I think she’s trying to impress you because she never makes ‘em for just the bunch of us.” He kept it light and friendly, hoping to give the uncomfortable tension in the air some competition.

  “Thanks,” she muttered, grabbing a plate and sliding one of the enormous flapjacks into the center. “This thing is enough for two people.”

  “Maybe there’s someone you could share it with,” Drae answered smoothly. He didn’t miss the way her eyes immediately flicked toward Alex, who stood silently brooding on the other side of the enormous room.

  Stupid fucker. What the hell was he doing? Drae tried not to roll his eyes. Is this what he and Cam had put Alex through when they were knee deep in angst over the women who eventually became their wives?

  The normally tight-lipped K9 guru chose that moment to become a chatty fly in the ointment. “G’mornin’ Ma’am,” he muttered to Meghan. “Can I help you with that?” He all but pushed Drae aside in order to take the plate Meghan was holding as he started up an inane conversation while piling all kinds of food on her dish.

  “Gus is looking forward to getting your ass up….uh, I mean helping you learn to ride.”

  Drae almost smacked him for being such a dumb fuck. He noted the darkening scowl overtaking Alex’s features as he silently watched the interaction between Brody and Meghan. Damn it. This wasn’t going as he and Cam hoped.

  Meghan wished the butterflies performing an Olympic routine in her belly would settle down. Facing an unruly group of kids on a basketball court was easier than navigating this obstacle course of unfamiliar emotions.

  Used to being the only girl in a room full of guys, she had instantly noted all the players present. She wondered if Draegyn and Cameron were on hand to provide some kind of buffer between her and Alex. She wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case. Everything she knew about the three men suggested an unbreakable fraternity that she, quite frankly, admired. Meghan was comfortable around that sort of bond; it was something she’d been exposed to her entire life. With every male member of her family being a cop, an EMT or a fireman, she understood the solidarity of their relationship.

  Brody’s presence and obvious interest in her was however, unexpected. Draegyn’s body language when he’d been pushed aside had not gone unnoticed. His innocent suggestion that she share her flapjack with someone had not been an invitation for the K9 dude to step in, and he seriously looked like he was going to strangle Brody when he did.

  It didn’t help alleviate her anxiety that the only person she wanted to be with at that moment was keeping his distance. Damn. She’d been worried about just such behavior. Some part of her wanted Alex to stride across the room, flatten Brody, plant a hot, wet kiss on her, and drag her off to God knows where so they could finish what they’d started last night. Judging by the way he was scowling at her, that wasn’t going to happen any time soon.

  Turning her attention to Brody she responded to his statement about the riding lesson with her usual brand of sass mixed with
a good dose of BBBB.

  “I’m looking forward to it! I hope Gus knows what he’s in for. This fappy backside has never been in a saddle before!”

  Brody looked bemused. “Fappy?”

  She laughed. “Never heard that before? Must be a Boston thing!”

  “What’s it mean?”

  “Oh, you know….fappy. As in fat and happy!” She giggled at the look of shock on his face.

  Across the room Alex slapped his hand with a resounding thud on a counter and glared like she’d just declared all Special Forces Vets pussies. She jumped, startled at his reaction.

  “You are in no way fat!” he growled.

  Brody, Draegyn, and Cameron each wore an expression that translated to WHAT THE FUCK? Cam especially looked as if his eyebrows couldn’t have gone any higher on his forehead. She was guessing that the Major was not usually prone to such outbursts. Okay then. Maybe this was a good sign. Hmm.

  Taking the bull by the horns – ah, she loved a Western metaphor – Meghan turned her full attention on Alex and flashed him a calm smile.

  “Good morning to you too, Major.” Now let’s see what he did with that.

  She had to bite the inside of her mouth to keep from laughing when she saw a look of exasperation flash across his face. Oooooh, so he’d been trying to keep his distance but hadn’t quite managed. A surge of female satisfaction lit up her insides.

  Moving with obvious reluctance into their midst, Meghan couldn’t help but admire the way he carried himself. He looked just as handsome and sexy this morning with his messy hair and burly presence as he had last night. She did however detect a tinge of green around the gills and wondered what he’d done after they parted. No stranger to the aftermath of having tied one on, she looked a bit closer and caught the telltale bloodshot eyes. Maybe pushing her away hadn’t been what he really wanted after all. Either that or he hated her guts and couldn’t wait for her to be gone. Somehow she doubted that was the case. Having felt a very distinctive erection pressed into the seam of her backside last night disproved the hate her guts scenario.